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4 weeks 6 days only 244 days to go....

Its been a rocky week so far, with spotting, migraines and the need for a chiropractor adjustment to ease off the headaches.

Then for the past 2 days I haven't felt PG at all.. might be cause the headaches have gone, but I just got it into my head it's not real.

I still have very sore breasts, but I have convinced myself they are decreasing in size, but I have no actual proof of this, so it certainly wont hold up in court.

I did have some very mild M/S during the week which then tapered off.. so of course I assume that means the worst too.

I guess I feel quite good in myself so hence I couldnt possibly still be Pg.

I find myself wishing for clear signs...

I dont have my scan until the 19th.. but I know its going to be a very very long 9 mths...

sigh...

IVF Cancelled!!

This could be a really angry post at how everything always goes wrong and how I was under a great deal of stress for nothing and how horrible the world is for putting me through this.

But the reason my 1st IVF is cancelled is I am Pregnant !!

Paperwork Stress

Ok so maybe I shouldn't have left the paper work to the last minute, but hey I was hoping we didn't need it.

I am completely overwhelmed with what is about to happen and it actually seems like everyone around is pre-occupied with everything else. So much for not being stressed.
I don't want to say "hey look at me, I am going through IVF" but it would be nice if people around me acknowledge the seriousness of this and what I might be feeling.

Now as I flick through the consent forms I am inundated with what feels like a 1000 questions and just to make it a little more stressful they all seem to be life changing ones.
Can I phone a friend? go 50/50 or ask the audience?


What day do I want to Transfer the embryos?

How many do I want to transfer? ( if I do PGD (genetic testing on embreyo)I am thinking 1 good one). if we don't do PGD than my heart wants to do 2 but my brain says 1.

It doesn't seem to encourage PGD for us, it only mentions using PGD for multiple miscarriages, genetic problems or multiple failed IVF's

but I am wondering if it's worth doing it anyways... we have had 1 miscarriage. It does seem to reduce the chance of miscarriage and increase the chance of implantation so to PGD or not ?
, does this effect the transfer day?

what about ICSI ?
If it increases the chance of fertilization than shouldn't we?

Surely if we can increase our odds by doing these "Added Extra's" then shouldn't we?

What to do with extra fertilized embryo's ? I am thinking freeze them as might need them again right? after 10 yrs I don't know. Depends if we use them all up doesn't it.

And of course we might not end up with any eggs and none of these stresses will be fruitful.

Success Rates

My clinic group had a 38.3% success rate in 2005 -

so there is a 38.3 percent chance of a pregnancy....

38.3%
38.3%
38.3%
38.3%

It's my new mantra... thats a 38.3% chance right??
(yes I know its a 62.7% chance of a negative)

but its a 38.3% chance right???

Room for a Singleton or Multiples?

We have been looking at houses (again) and trying to find something bigger,I can't help feeling its in vain and we will only need a single bedroom house for the rest of our lives because we will never ever have a baby....

But at the same time I started thinking about "Multiples" I am sure this question is about to come up if not it will come up at transfer.

When I first signed up for IVF 3 cycles ago, I thought just 1... 1 is enough.. but as my world has become more emotional and dare I say it desperate I wonder if putting back more would be more successful.

but how would I manage with multiples? firstly the pregnancy would be harder on my already physically strained body. and I would have twice as much work for the rest of my life..
but I would have a baby to hold in my aching heart broken arms.

is that worth the risk of 2? or 3? I don't know, thank god no one is asking me today because my only teary eyed answer would be.

"I just want a baby"

It's looking inevitable

This may be a little premature, but the negative pregnancy test this morning has taken away all hope of a miracle "before IVF" pregnancy.

I guess the inevitable has occurred and it is time to make plans for the IVF . I have rung my Dr and confirmed that she is ready. I could have started last month but my Dr was off on holidays and so I have ended up having 2 cycles Oh natural which have sent my nerves over the edge.

Part of me wanted to take the past 2 cycles off so that there was no symptom spotting and now false hope. But at the same time I could not bring myself to not try.

I have my prescription for the synarel ready, I have my Dr expecting me to call her for a day 4 appointment. But that is as about as ready as I am.

IVF- here I come, but I can't helping wishing I didn't need you..